The Mind of Mierow

New Year, New Plan January 25, 2012

We really thought that 2011 would be our year. There were a lot of new and exciting things that happened like seeing three weddings, my brother getting engaged and I started school once again. The one thing we had been really hoping for though never happened. Our doctors said 3-6 times of going in for artificial insemination should do the trick. December was attempt 5 and it ended up like the 4 before it.

This left us to start off 2012 with a debate: do we go in for attempt 6 or not. We went back and forth several times. Talking with doctors didn’t help much. We were told that if it hadn’t happened in the first 5 tries, then it one more probably wouldn’t do it either. After a lot of praying and talking we eventually decided to just take a break. We took a quick look once again at IVF (in verto fertilization) but so far those options look to start around $13k and quickly go to $20k and more. I may be an IT geek, but I still work for the church. 🙂

It didn’t help that our older car completely died two weeks ago. If it could have just lasted till the summer we would have had the other car paid off. Once again it looks like the plans we had were not meant to be. We did end up finding a car to lease that should get us through the next few years. 

The first 3 1/2 weeks of 2012 have reminded me that I can’t rely on my plans. God has already blessed me more than I deserve and I know He is taking care of us. Our plans are not always in line with His plans, but His plans tend to be much better than anything I could have dreamed. Here’s to a new year and new plans!

Two strikes & no outs October 22, 2011

Not the perfect sport metaphor, but it was the first thing that popped into my head. Since I’ve gotten a few things checked off my homework list I figured I’d take a break and write up a quick blog post. 🙂

Still no luck on getting pregnant. This is something that takes time but after nearly a decade it can be tough to keep your patience. Thankfully we’re surrounded by an awesome group of people that support us in more ways than they could even know. From in depth prayers and conversations to a quick text or IM – we’re so blessed to have some amazing people in our lives. A few more months of this path and if it still hasn’t worked then we’ll look at a new path. So while the past two months have been disappointing it is by no means a sign for us to give up. The game may change but we’re willing to adjust.

On the student front I’ve had a great start to classes. Rasmussen works on the quarter system which means that classes are 11 weeks long followed by a 2 week break. This makes the classes fly by. I’m already ending week 3 of my 2nd quarter. I received a 4.0gpa last quarter (a 1st in my academic history!) but I only had two classes. This quarter I’ve bumped up to three so we’ll see how long I can maintain my grades and my sanity. I’m enjoying the classes and discussions that are happening. I originally thought that I wouldn’t be done until the summer or fall of 2013, but if I can keep up with at least 3 classes each quarter I think I can be done by the end of 2012. This quarter will go a long way to telling me if this will be too many classes a quarter or not.

Short and sweet. Time to get back to the homework so I can actually enjoy a moment of downtime this weekend.

Back to school June 28, 2011

I’m not talking about the Rodney Dangerfield flick (IMDB) but rather that I will start my classes next week. Do you remember getting nervous and excited at the same time when the beginning of school was starting? Even at 36 I’m starting to get those same feelings when I stop to think about going back to school. I wouldn’t say that I’m overwhelmed by either of those emotions, but they do creep in every now and then. I’d say the biggest thing for me right now is that I just want to get started. I want to get into my classes and see how what I’ve learned “in the real world” compares with what I’m going to be taught. Have schools and professors changed any of their methods to meet the students of today? I’m interested to find out.

I’m starting out by only taking two classes, one online and one face-to-face. My hope is that this will give me an insight into how the workload stacks up against my real world responsibilities. Due to all of the other activities in my life, I think limiting my classes also gives me the chance to dedicate the appropriate amount of time to each area in my life. Only one week left before I’m a student once again. I can’t wait.

It all starts with the tests June 24, 2011

Last week I was in to see my urologist. He is a really nice guy, but it’s still a bit nerve-wracking to sit down with him. I think it’s just something about the male ego and having to go to the doctor. This gets compounded when a specialist, like a urologist, gets involved. I hadn’t seen him since 2007 so the visit was to get the conversation started again about the issues of getting pregnant. We talked over what’s happened in the past four years. While we haven’t tried any medications (like serophene, parlodel, etc…) we did try acupuncture as well as watching the calendar closer. Obviously our methods were not working.

The first round of testing finally came back and it looks like my testosterone and FSH (Follicle-stimulating hormone) levels are both lower than they were 4-5 years ago. I won’t see the urologist again until the end of July so I don’t know what the numbers exactly mean yet. Some quick goolge searches have shown me that there are at least a few natural ways of increasing these levels. I’m not a fan of doctors, but I’m even less a fan of drugs. I realize all the great things that science and medicine can now do. They kept my dad alive when he miraculously survived at widow-maker (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Widow_maker). If there are things I can do physically or naturally, I’d rather try those first. I realize I’m not getting any younger, but I also would like to avoid medications and chemicals as much as possible.  I go in next week for additional testing. By the end of July we should have a much better picture of where we stand and what some of the options are moving forward.

Back at it again June 19, 2011

I’ll skip the bull about not blogging since whenever, or how this time it’ll be different, or whatever. I have come to the realization that like many facets of life, it takes effort on your part if you want to actually see something succeed. I’m going to put in the effort to work on posting here. I like this format because 1) it’s got more flexibility than Facebook, and 2) I don’t like the thought of Facebook owning my life. I know that I can’t avoid the use of Facebook. I will not resist it like some old dinosaur that says it won’t change because the old ways were better. Instead I’ll continue to learn how to take the pieces of the internet that I like and enjoy, and weave them into something usable.

So I’m back at it again for a couple of reasons:

1) I’m going back to school. I love technology and see myself working in the I.T. field for as long as I can. In order to ensure that I can continue working in a field that I love, I need to maintain my skills and education in that field. Starting next month I’ll begin taking classes through Rasmussen College in the ISM: Network Admin specialization (http://www.rasmussen.edu/degrees/technology-design/network-administration/). This is only an Associate’s Degree, but it is a step in keeping my skills relevant. I absolutely love working with technology and I’m grateful that I’ve found an industry that I enjoy.

2) We want kids. We’ve wanted kids for a long time. It’s been tough emotionally, physically and spiritually on both my wife and I. We don’t have the funds for expensive procedures or adoption (nor does our insurance cover such options) . While the past eleven years have given us time to work on our relationship with each other, I think we’re both finally ready to see our family grow. It’s tough to see how easy it is for others to have children. It’s also heartbreaking to know that there are others who easily abandon their child’s life because it simply doesn’t fit their own life style.

While these two factors are key for me in wanting to journal my experience, I also know that the won’t be the only subjects I ramble on about. I simply know that I want to be able to look back at my experiences. This takes effort. I believe I can now maintain that effort.

Dreams August 9, 2010

For as long as I can remember I have always been a dreamer. Not the “what if” kind of dreaming. I’m talking about the “while my body rests for the night my brain decides to tell itself a story” type of dreaming. I don’t dream every night, or if I do I don’t always remember them. Sometimes they stick with me and I’m able to remember them for years. There are other times where I’ve completely forgotten my dream 10 minutes after I get out of bed. The ones that stick with me tend to be pretty weird. Here are a few that I recall:

– Russians invading our portable classroom in 6th grade.

– Being back in school, but this time all of my classmates we people from grade school, high school & college

– Terminators attacking a church only to be defeated by a squadron of flying DeLoreans.

Some are weird. Some are beyond any or all explanation. Do dreams mean anything? Should they be taken to heart? If so, how do you know which dreams to take to heart? I’ve never looked into dream interpretation, but I would guess that most of my dreams come from a) watching too many movies or b) reading too many novels. If an occasional weird dream is the only side-effect from those two activities I’ll consider it all good.

This whole line of thinking came about from a dream I had this past Saturday night. Essentially the dream consisted of my wife giving birth to twins; a boy and a girl. I don’t recall the circumstances, but we had to have them delivered at home.  They were extremely small; probably no more than 3 pounds each. Two hours after they were born we were about to load them up and head over to the hospital. I went to pick up one and found that both had died. No cries or fussing from either one. They were there one minute and simply gone the next. I remember that in my dream I was angry. I went into a rage. At this point I woke up. It was just before 3am. I tossed and turned the rest of the night, but obviously didn’t get much more sleep.

I’m the type of person that tends to think things over… a lot. I don’t tend to offer an opinion on something unless I’ve already thought it through from all angles and know how I really feel about it. You can see how a dream like this one would stick with me. Does this one mean anything in particular? Should I be looking for something great and mysterious from it? I don’t think so. I’ve already made a connection between the dream and the book I finished Saturday afternoon. Maybe that’s all it is. Whatever stories my brain wants to invent while I’m sleeping is fine by me. I just wish I could DVR the fun ones and see them again.

High School August 3, 2010

I’m currently reading Big Russ & Me by Tim Russert. I loved watching him host Meet the Press long before he pick up a whiteboard to help explain the presidential election of 2000. Last night I finished chapter 10 where he talks about attending Canisius High School. While my experience wasn’t nearly as tough or expensive, I could relate to some of what he said. I went to Mayer Lutheran High School. There wasn’t anything particular about this school except that I lived in Prior Lake at the time. I didn’t have to hop two city buses like Mr. Russert, but the ride from Prior Lake to Mayer took just as long as his ride did.

I could have easily gone a mile down the road from our house to the public high school. In fact I probably could have gone to a least ten other schools that would have been closer to home. So why did I choose Mayer? It was out in the middle of nowhere. I only knew a few other people going to school there. It was going to cost my parents a small fortune for me to attend. For the life of me I can’t tell you now what was the deciding factor. I am thankful though that I decided to go there.

I am also extremely thankful for my classmates. I couldn’t have asked for a better class to be a part of. There was a definite clique at Mayer. As someone coming not only from a different town, but a different county I was immediately aware of it. Even today I still can see some people roll their eyes when they talk about kids from “Carver County”. Either I was able to blend into the clique quickly or  the majority of my classmates didn’t hold steadfast to this view. I tend to lean towards the later. My siblings tried their hand at this school as well, but they were not as fortunate. I wish they could have had the same experience. It’s the only part of being an alumni that I don’t like. I hope students there now are more open to people from any place or background.

High school is a rough time for almost everyone. It’s where you start to develop all of your likes and dislikes. You tend to push the boundaries of authority around you, as well push yourself to experience all that you can. If I didn’t have the classmates that I had, I think I would have tossed in the towel. It wasn’t just the close friends, but the entire school: kids in other classes, teachers, and other parents. They all helped shape a part of me that makes me who I am today.

Not all of the memories are good. There were plenty of times I was picked on or made fun of, but I learned to take it in stride. Life isn’t always going to be good. There are times that will be tough. There are also going to be times that are amazing. There are times that remain with you for the rest of your life. When you’ve got a strong group of family and friends, what’s to hold you down? When I think of high school I am continually thankful for the family and friends that held me up.

Look Around July 19, 2010

When do you start looking for a job? Do you wait until it becomes necessary? Maybe you wait for something to suddenly appear? If you have a good job, can you keep your focus while still having an eye open for new opportunities? The world around us is always changing, and this rings true in the workplace. Industries change. Economies change. Jobs change.

I’ve never been one who tries to go out and tackle the corporate ladder. If new positions or opportunities come along I take the time to consider what it means for me now as well as down the road. I have enjoyed most of the jobs I’ve had over the years. Many of those first jobs were out of necessity. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I really started finding a passion in work. That passion is working with technology, and helping people understand how to use technology to their benefit. I have been working in the I.T. field for ten years now. I am no expert, and have no certifications, but I love all that this field entails.

I’m not actively looking for a new job.  I enjoy where I am at, what I get to do, and the people that I get to work with. I do think though that it is healthy to be open to new challenges and adventures. Who doesn’t sit back sometimes and wonder “what if..?”. This whole string of thoughts came from me taking time to update my resume as well as seeing family and friends start new jobs. It’s exciting to hear when someone you know starts a new job. It is usually described as a “new adventure”. This doesn’t mean I will, but what if…? 🙂 Like Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once and a while you could miss it.” I don’t want to miss out on life. In my work life, personal life and social life I want to know that I took the time to stop every now and then and look at traveling down a new path.

Just the beginning June 1, 2010

This past Friday my wife and I were able to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. It doesn’t seem possible that a decade has already come and gone. For some couples it seems that the first ten years take forever to go by, while others unfortunately don’t get a chance to celebrate even half that amount of time. The past ten years have been filled with highs and lows and I wouldn’t change a moment of it.

We both knew that this was a special celebration, and we decided to make an adventure of the whole weekend. It started off with our first trip to Target Field. My wife, a die hard Sconie (our nickname for the people of Wisconsin), was never a fan of the Metrodome. The pressure inside the dome didn’t sit well with her so we often opted for Saints game over the Twins. We both agreed that Target Field is a better ballgame experience than the Metrodome hands down. If anyone knows where I can find the keys to this room, I’d be eternally grateful. This little adventure also allowed us to experience light rail for the first time. This will be my mode of transportation to any Target Field event from now on. Kudos to the designers of both. They work wonderfully together.

The next stop in our adventure was to The Westby House; a little bed and breakfast in Westby, WI. Our first time to a B&B and five minutes in we knew we made the right decision. The owners, Mike and Marie, are amazing people. The room was spacious and the food was heavenly. From fresh lemon, poppy seed muffins to rhubarb oatmeal crunch and finishing with cinnamon and chocolate stuffed french toast. The bar was set high for us.

We spent the rest of the weekend driving around southwestern Wisconsin. We spent some time hiking, tasting wine, visiting the bicycle capitol of America, and became adapt at taking self–pics. We had a wonderful weekend and hope to do it again. While the first decade was a whirlwind, here’s to praying that the next several decades are just as adventurous and amazing.